I'm sorry

I feel really offended when I read what you wrote. Reading one sentence, only one of it is enough to tear my heart into pieces. I mon't say you are wrong, you're right, always are. ( I always take a few minutes of silence to think about what you wrote which are related to me ). And you're not wrong, sweetie. But there is always a reason why certain activity / outing can't be carry out. And definitely you're not the only one who feels so. I'm not as lucky as you're, you are allowed to go out more than twice a week - anywhere you want and there's no limit at all. I'm different from you. I do not have the FREEDOM. ( Every family has its own rule ) That's one of the main reason why I got to plan my activity - outing wisely. And I do not argue back with my parents just for the sake of an outing. If they say 'No', then let it be 'No'. Cause I strongly believe they want the best for me.
I know I have upset and disappoint many of my good friends because of it.

I'm sorry Pik Ki.

I'm sorry Melissa.

I'm sorry Cheng Tze.

I'm sorry Jia Min.

It is kinda embarrassed to clarify everything here but I think this is a better option than, than saying it out through phones or SMS's. Sometimes, it envies me of the freedom you guys have. Sorry, especially to Pik Ki and Cheng Tze.
I wanted to see Cheng Tze so badly but there is always a reason why the outing can't be carried out. :-(

"I wish I could see through your eyes so I would know what you like to see. I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want. I wish I dreamed the same dreams you do, and together we could make them come true. I wish I knew what makes you happy, so I could make you the happiest person in the whole world. And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart."

It breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy
with someone else, but it's more painful to know that
the one you love is unhappy with you.

'For every word you say, another piece of my heart you take.'

Never say goodbye when you still want to try.
Never give up when you still feel you can take it.
Never say you don't love a person when you can't let go.

*The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most. *

Give and Take.

I was shocked today to learn about the argument between my friends in school and how one cried after another. I strongly believe all you have been keeping the anger in yourself, and of course holding back your tears for a period of time.
Just three hours ago, I realised one of my friend has told a lie to my another friend, a serious and huge lie. It's okay to lie if it is to protect others. However, this time, you are betraying all of us just for your own benefits. I always doubted every word you said and every story you told. But, maybe you have your own reasons to do so.....and again I am using this phrase to comfort myself. You did that to me two years ago and this time you are doing the same thing. How could I ever trust your words again?

To those who feel they are betrayed,
To those who have cried,
To those who are still filled with anger,
To those who could not forget the past,

Friendship is give and take,

Friendship is understanding and forgiving

when a friend makes a mistake,

Friendship is about being there when a friend’s heart aches…
Friendship is not about making demands,

Friendship is not even trying to understand and

dismissing the other out of hand,

Friendship is not about me, it’s about we…
Friendship is not saying never speak to me again,

it’s lets get through this my friend,

What ever the problem we have,

we can beat it my friend,

just hold my hand and lets face it together until the end…
That’s a friend….

I simply love these verses from the bible:
Book of Luke Chapter 6:41-42

'Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eyes, but pay no attention to the log in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Please brother, let me take that speck out of your eye,' yet cannot even see the log in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

My dear friends,
Let us see the fault in ourselves first before jumping into conclusion.
Please don't cry anymore,
please don't argue again,
I feel sad that I could not assist you all
but to only be a faithful listener.

CBN 110th ANNIVERSARY DINNER

CBN 110TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER!
SUNWAY RESORTS AND SPA

One of the best event of the year 2009 besides the trip to Sunway Lagoon and the celebration of Te Sheng's birthday in Times Square.

Tulashini, Kar-Mun, Ms Sarah (4U English Teacher), Carmen, Melissa, Pik Ki

Ms Lim (4U AddMaths Teacher), Pik Ki, Carmen, Ms Ma (4U Maths Teacher)


Carmen, Ms Faridah (4U Biology Teacher), Pik Ki
Pik Ki, Puan Jamilah, Carmen
Ms Ma, Ms Kam, Ms Goh, Ms Gan, Ms Lim, Pik Ki, Ms Choo, Carmen

I enjoyed myself very much. Guess who I saw? Terry!!! Haha...too bad you went home early, otherwise surely I will take picture with you. =)

More pictures in Facebook!

Xin Yong dear!

Cheer up!

We are all here for you!

We love you!!!!

Let me out.

I tried to think differently from others,
to be optimistic that you're not such person,
to find reason to debate with others,
however, now I find it is not worth at all,
to be on your side,
to fight for your right,
at least not now anymore.

Though I do not see you everyday,
Your actions, your sayings,
words that bubbled out from your mouth,
movement, steps and path that you take
I totally disagree with it.
Think before you act,
you have not cultivated it in your life,
that's why many people dislike you,
that's why many people try staying away from you.

I'm really, really mad at you yesterday and today
with what you did,
though you did not do it to me,
but indirectly you're hurting my feeling,
not only to me but to others as well,
anger filled my heart,
like the volcano is gonna explode at,
anytime any moment.

The actions that you did yesterday and today
drives me crazy
Worst still I couldn't say a single word
as I did not want to argue
Again I have to keep everything to myself,
before I got to see my besties at certain time,
to share my stories, to pour out my feelings,
to let go of my anger,
by hitting my 'many names' friend.

Always, always, always,
this is the moment I fear the most,
but this is life,
I have to go through this,
for at least five times a year
nothing much I could do about it,
but to bear with it.

Keeping quiet, pretending as if nothing has happened
is not an easy task,
Hard to pretend as if I did not hear
what you said,
But, to avoid war
this is the only way,
to keep quiet.

'What is yours, is yours. You need not ask for more.

It may bring you joys, but unhappiness to others.'

Smile Carmen,
I'm smiling. =)

Forever Begins Tonight =)

We made a pact to take the time
To get to know each other deep inside
No rushing in to cross the line
It may be a little old fashioned
but it feels so right.

Been holding back for so long
What feels so right can't be wrong
Baby you can read it in my eyes
Let's write the story of our lives tonight.

Don't be afraid, turn down the light
Baby move in closer
It's gonna be alright
This is the moment we will remember all our lives
Forever begins tonight.

I know you fear those butterflies
But let me tell you a secret, so am I
But, it's OK
Baby, it's alright
Just follow our hearts now
What we feel inside
Yeah

And I know we will be one
When we see the morning sun

Don't be afraid.

Never, never say I love you if

you really don't care.

Never talk about feelings if

they aren't really there.

Never hold my hand if you are

going to break my heart.

Never say you are going to if

you don't plan to start.

Never look into my eyes if all

you do is lie.

Never say hello if you really

mean good bye.

If you really mean forever

Than say you will try to never

say forever.

Cause forever makes cry!

I finally came to realize, that

you're no longer mine.

That it won't be me, on who,

you will be spending your time,

I thought I was prepared, but I

guess I was wrong.

I'm struggling with my feelings,

but I have to be strong.

You and your 'friend'....strange

because she isn't me,

Confused because I don't even know

if I want to be.

I guess I still believe

That you will be back

I guess I still think

you can be the person

You once were

The one with sweet words

I'm waiting for you to be who you first were

I'm stuck believing in fairy tales

And I know that

I just need to stay

I keep telling myself

I'll pack up and go

But I can never get my things together

Can never truly let you go

And that's not easy.

Time will heal my wounds, at

least, that's what they say

so I will wait for the time to go by,

soon I'll be okay.

But how long more

shall I need to wait.....

...........................................................................................................................................................

I'm really, really stupid

to still put hope in it

When it is clearly known

there won't be any result....

I'm just putting false hope in it.

I couldn't think of what to do anymore.

I hate myself to have this kind of feeling again. I hate being in this condition.

You are my all in all.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
Philippians 4:6 (New King James Version)

Take it away

Your absence has gone through me like thread through needle.

Everything I do is stitched with its colour.

Everyday i think of you.

Everyday you cross my mind.

Everyday i see something that reminds me of you.

Everyday im missing you.

Everyday i wonder what could of been.

Everyday i think of why you did this.

Everyday im getting stronger.

Everyday im moving on.

But everyday I'll always miss you.

"Love is the passion that we feel inside of our hearts that we can't hide. We pretend to hide it, but it burns us more and more until the pain grows and grows and it never ends."

Colour of The Night

You and I moving in the dark
Bodies close but souls apart
Shadowed smiles and secrets unrevealed
I need to know the way you feel

[chorus:]
Ill give you everything I am
And everything I want to be
Ill put it in your hands
If you could open up to me oh
Cant we ever get beyond this wall

cause all I want is just once
To see you in the light
But you hide behind
The color of the night

I cant go on running from the past
Lave has torn away this mask
And now like clouds like rain Im drowning and
I blame it all on you
Im lost - God save me...

[chorus:]
cause all I want is just once
To see you in the light
But you hide behind
The color of the night

[chorus:]
cause all I want is just once
Forever and again
Im waiting for you, Im standing in the light
But you hide behind
The color of the night

Please come out from
The colour of the night

Move on dear...

I didn't plan to argue over this matter...
It's just the time when I read your post,
I feel so wrong, I feel so sad for you....
I feel so bad with how you felt....
perhaps I'm wrong again...this time...
My feelings can't be controlled....
I hated the way the anger and hatred flow in me...
And the worst part was that this's the first time..
I felt so for you....
Not even the time when we were no longer together...
Isn't it too late to start hating you now....
I never agreed to detest someone's....
You have your right, you have your decision,
You know what's best for you....
I just realised that all this while...
I have never understood your life,
your thinkings and your heart before...
I'm just too stupid to let matters lead us to this way....
I should have given you many conditions before you left....
The main would be never ignore me....
Surely I did feel you're avoiding me....
And always the same question playing in my mind...
'Did I do something wrong again?'
Recalled and recalled....
'Nothing, I don't think I talk to him for the past few weeks.'
It's really funny between us,
Fine for one day, disaster for the next day...
Chatting the day before, ignoring the next,
I really need someone to punch me up,
give me a few slaps, pinch me hard,
to wake me up from this dream never come true land...

My mission to delete everything did not achieve,

as always 'saying is easier to get things done'

Perhaps my heart is just too soft....

Easily burst into tears,

Easily forgive someone who I hated last minute,

And the feeling of hatred just gone without any word of comfort

Cause that's you

Cause it's impossibile for me to hate you

I don't believe in loving someone and to forget someone

I have to detest everything about him.

I have tried hard,

still failed to erase everything.

Please don't worry,

you need not turn back,

I won't ask for it either,

Just let me keep the memories,

bad or good I still cherish them,

Please start a new life and move on,

cause that's what I pray for you.

Just ignore the irritating me here,

I should stop dragging it on....

But I will still dream on...

I will still stay faithful to this land...

which brought me joy, and taught me many things in life...

My fault, I'm sorry

Please move on.....

Get out of my life right now!

What a disappointment...
Have never expected you will do so...
Blind you I would said...
I'm sorry to say so...
But I seriously hate you...
I have never felt so before...
Especially to you....
Used to have a way to comfort myself....
But this time...
The hatred had taken over me...
My patience you have taken away....
Tears flow, my heart torn into apart...
Seeing what you have done...
In your c******
I feel sad for myself and for you...
For I could not help at all...
Get out from my life....
Don't treat me well, not even as your friend...
Don't talk to me, it will just give me hope....
Stay away from my life faker...
Every little thing you tend to forget...
Grateful for only one day, forget the other day...
You will just stuck in there...
Failing in your life...failing every subject...
Failing your mission, you will never achieve your gold....
If you still think you are always, always right...
And I'm wrong...others are wrong...
I have done my best in giving advices
To not give up but study...
Still you're the one who choose the path...
Sad to say...I have such friend...

I HATE YOU! GET AWAY, STEP BACK YOU. I VOW I WILL NEVER, NEVER, NEVER CALL BY YOUR NAME AND I WILL DELETE EVERYTHING. I WILL THROW AWAY THE WHOLE DIARY, BURN THEM OFF AND DELETE ALL THE '....' YOU DON'T BELONG HERE ANYMORE, YOU ARE JUST TESTING MY PATIENCE. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, I HAVE GIVEN UP ON YOU. SO GET OUT OF MY WAY!!! FAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angry is the only word I could think of now...

I will try my very best to forget everything especially the past which you hated so much.

I'm just being an idiot, stupid to keep dragging it on,

for I know it is over between us.

I should have listen to Pik Ki and Mey Ling.

And now I'm the one who has to suffer for everything you did.

I hate you for what you have done.

This time I could never forgive you,

there is no way to forget it,

you leave such a deep scar in me....

Though I do not want to believe it,

but I have to cause that's the truth, that is what you did, that's what I heard.

I'm truly sorry for such post. I'm just too sad...

Friends Forever, Vitamin C

Happy...

Hello! Hmm, I'm in kinda good mood...Feeling glad and happy. Mainly was because no one made me upset today. Although I did not achieve my mission to get full mark for my Maths, but I'm still satisfied with it. As for Add Maths, my marks are dropping slowly..from 96% to 92% and this time 86%. Both my Maths and Add Maths paper were full with the word 'CARELESS' which was written big enough for others to see from a distance. I must be dreaming during the exam... May I use the word 'If only'?
If only I opened my eyes wider enough, I won't have made such mistakes..Unforgiven...
If only I wasn't sleepy, I may have done slightly better.
If only I have enough time to check my answers, I would have got it right.

Ms Ma was disappointed that there are only 8 students who scored full marks for Maths. There should be 11 students she said. The others 3 made silly mistakes!!!! Sorry Teacher!!!
I just got back my Physics paper today. My teacher is very upset with our performance. Worse than Mid Term exam perhaps. I was very, very, very nervous when teacher decided to read out the marks. I did badly for my mid term, so I did not expect a high mark for Physics. But, to my surprise, I managed to get A1. The highest is 92%. I'm very happy with it. However, I still need to work hard in my Physics if I want to be as good as others. I know I'm a slow learner, and could not catch the concept as fast as others...for this subject. Do not give up Carmen!!!

I'm selected to become a librarian. And the teacher pronounced my name wrongly. Duty starts next week, but I don't think I want to become one. I have to stay back at least twice a week which I think it is too much. It will take all of my time. And I do not think I could cope with it. I will have to ask my dad to write a 'resign' letter....haha.. So, let's say Bye Bye to librarian! =)
Good Luck to others!!!

Lastly, thanks Tze Keat!

Owh..no..no...I don't want...
Wednesday please don't come...
Please...please..I'm not ready yet...
Do not shout...
Do not scream...